After so long (phew), I am back... ^^ I actually find it very ironic coz I've been known to help others solve their problems. However, I simply cant solve my own problems, let alone know what is going on with me =="
Perhaps the hunch of quitting Master in UM about a year ago was a wise choice. After a year, not much progress at all. Though I managed to survive the candidature defense, I myself felt that I should be able to do more than this. Then y cant I do more??? Where does all my time gone to??
Thanx for celebrating my birthday and the efforts taken to organize the "surprise'" for me... Perhaps I should act dumb like Joie jie instead of seeing through things as alwez... Its been a long time since I have surprises. And the last surprise wasnt pleasant at all, when I least expected it...
Its been a long time since I find someone to chat with. Its been a long time since I spend time relating to others. Its been a long time since I felt young again... Keke not that I am that old, just that I am spiritually and emotionally burdened... I felt that I am "drying up". Now this is a bad sign: If we are alwez connected to the source of Life, then we will not be "drying up" at all. But the fact is that I am "drying up", therefore there's something wrong between me and my source of Life...
I lost my father's present for me, a mechanical pencil that can be sharpen, which I believed is somewhere near Sungai Chongkak, Ulu Langat during the last camp. All that is left is the rubber and sharpener part of it. Not that i am being fussy about it, just that I dun receive much gift from my dad. ^^ Well, apart from the car n the house ==" May i learn to be content and learn to give thanx in all circumstances. It's not easy seeing through the car and the house especially. There are so many aspects to which we need to consider. First of all the budget, the workmanship, the comfort and suitability of the renovation plan, etc etc etc... Basically life is full of choices, and we make choices all the while. And in my opinion, I tend to make "bad" choices for myself, not so bad choices for others (apart from choosing clothes and fashion stuff). People come to me for opinions, claiming that I am more experienced and wiser... Looking at myself, I wonder whether those opinions I gave out really helped them or worsen the situation... Did I push myself too hard?
I seldom volunteerily take charge of things now, afraid of making wrong decision. Changed from melancholy choleric to melancholy plegmatic. Safer this way perhaps, to me and others. I've been keeping myself away from things that may hurt me. I din think me being so fragile all the while. Perhaps God blessed me so much all the while that I got so pampered and when I fall, I find it tough to get back up again. Boys' Brigade ministry helped me bit by bit, in teaching me how to love, in this case, kids. Impacting lives has been my purpose all this while, and I luv the kids as they are so... I dunno how to explain... Beings that God created that have blessed me as well as their parents. And I believed God is using me as an instrument and channel to bless them as well as their parents. It is so comforting seeing them smile with their mouth wide open and their eyes closed ^^ And of coz if they are naughty I can alwez punish them keke...
For those who gets to read this, please continue to pray for me. For strength to carry on, for courage to face challenges and to love once again, for lives to be impacted, for direction when I am lost, for wisdom to solve problems, for a loving heart to treat those around me, and for an obedient heart to follow His ways. Thank you for listening to my sharing. Its really been awhile...
Perhaps the hunch of quitting Master in UM about a year ago was a wise choice. After a year, not much progress at all. Though I managed to survive the candidature defense, I myself felt that I should be able to do more than this. Then y cant I do more??? Where does all my time gone to??
Thanx for celebrating my birthday and the efforts taken to organize the "surprise'" for me... Perhaps I should act dumb like Joie jie instead of seeing through things as alwez... Its been a long time since I have surprises. And the last surprise wasnt pleasant at all, when I least expected it...
Its been a long time since I find someone to chat with. Its been a long time since I spend time relating to others. Its been a long time since I felt young again... Keke not that I am that old, just that I am spiritually and emotionally burdened... I felt that I am "drying up". Now this is a bad sign: If we are alwez connected to the source of Life, then we will not be "drying up" at all. But the fact is that I am "drying up", therefore there's something wrong between me and my source of Life...
I lost my father's present for me, a mechanical pencil that can be sharpen, which I believed is somewhere near Sungai Chongkak, Ulu Langat during the last camp. All that is left is the rubber and sharpener part of it. Not that i am being fussy about it, just that I dun receive much gift from my dad. ^^ Well, apart from the car n the house ==" May i learn to be content and learn to give thanx in all circumstances. It's not easy seeing through the car and the house especially. There are so many aspects to which we need to consider. First of all the budget, the workmanship, the comfort and suitability of the renovation plan, etc etc etc... Basically life is full of choices, and we make choices all the while. And in my opinion, I tend to make "bad" choices for myself, not so bad choices for others (apart from choosing clothes and fashion stuff). People come to me for opinions, claiming that I am more experienced and wiser... Looking at myself, I wonder whether those opinions I gave out really helped them or worsen the situation... Did I push myself too hard?
I seldom volunteerily take charge of things now, afraid of making wrong decision. Changed from melancholy choleric to melancholy plegmatic. Safer this way perhaps, to me and others. I've been keeping myself away from things that may hurt me. I din think me being so fragile all the while. Perhaps God blessed me so much all the while that I got so pampered and when I fall, I find it tough to get back up again. Boys' Brigade ministry helped me bit by bit, in teaching me how to love, in this case, kids. Impacting lives has been my purpose all this while, and I luv the kids as they are so... I dunno how to explain... Beings that God created that have blessed me as well as their parents. And I believed God is using me as an instrument and channel to bless them as well as their parents. It is so comforting seeing them smile with their mouth wide open and their eyes closed ^^ And of coz if they are naughty I can alwez punish them keke...
For those who gets to read this, please continue to pray for me. For strength to carry on, for courage to face challenges and to love once again, for lives to be impacted, for direction when I am lost, for wisdom to solve problems, for a loving heart to treat those around me, and for an obedient heart to follow His ways. Thank you for listening to my sharing. Its really been awhile...
3 comments:
emptiness that you feel is part of life. Maybe you should learn to share your doubts, your experience, your problems with others. Give others a chance to get connected to you. If they come to you with problem, go to them with yours...that is a way for others to learn too....do NOT be afraid to share your problems...But i guess it is harder to share problems among guys,isnt it? get one trusted fren....voice out...even if he/she cant help much...at least u voice it out....dont be too harsh on yourself
Thanx a lot, whoever you are ^^... Been learning to do that now... Been talking and sharing more to frends who understands ^^
welcome to computer class.
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